On:

Heeelllo World!

Sooo, here I am 10th November, day 226, I’m currently in a small town, called Sencelles – still Mallorca.

Right now I’m staying at the place of a very nice German artist and trying to help her out with various thing in exchange for staying at her home and sharing meals. She is a very kind soul, her house is amazing, her cats are adorable – I’m at a good place again, as that tends to be the case…

In my previous post I mentioned that I was soon on my way to my next host, a workawayer with whom I was gonna work on Etsy and online shops in general. That worked out really well and even though there were a couple of challenging moments it came to be that after the originally set 9 days or so I managed to stay there a bit longer, then take a couple of days off to wander back to Palma, return to him again for a week and now I’m going to head back there on Sunday.
That guy is really amazing, I enjoy our conversations a lot, I love his place, the calm and quiet of that home, the rhythm of his days, his bookshelf- I just want to read pretty much every book he has. 😀 I already finished 3 and lately started the 4th one, but damn, I could live off that bookshelf for a year, even though it’s not a wall-wide thing…

The funny bit is the roller-coaster ride that was leading up to me still being here. Even before I went to his place, I felt like I would want to stay longer  (I didn’t know why exactly, although I conjured explanations of course, I’m good at that), but I seemed to hit a wall, it seemed not to be possible. So there I was with a person with whom we were talking about the flow of things, meditation, the purpose of life, the path one’s supposed to walk and the hints, signs and brick walls the ‘Universe’ might throw your way – and as I was trying to plan my way off the island (I did not want to leave but it seemed like I have to) I ran into walls constantly. For a very long time certain websites simply wouldn’t load for me even though they worked perfectly for my friends and seemingly to everyone else on the internet… so I got a lesson of stay put, be present, be patient, let things go, let it unfold… At times I was very frustrated, after every random ‘lifelesson’ bit I would feel like a kid, shaking her fist at the skies, asking ‘okay, was this  the lesson? Can you let me off the hook now?’ or saying ‘C’mon, it’s not up to me, what am I supposed to do?’. Some moments I was really frustrated, some moments I had this deep trust that something will happen… something always would happen. If the control has been taken out of my hands, I can only wait with openness so when the solution arises I’m there. Slowly but surely, bit by bit things shifted, changedand formed – I stayed around for an extra week and a half, I was given the chance to book my flight to get off the island, but then things would become weird again and I was getting the hint that I should still stay around – and I wanted to as well… so here I was, with the desire to stay, the chance not being given, and the ‘universe’ playing along my side, simply not allowing me to look at flights or to check in to my flight…
As soon as we would agree that I might be able to stick around for another week (but I’d have to sort out a gap-week inbetween), the websites I was seemingly blocked from, started magically work again… thank you World. 😀 But even so, just leaving that small town when I was going to seemed to run into challenges – we wanted to drive to the trainstation in the next town so that I can get to Palma and low and behold, EVERY road was closed for just that time when we were trying to get there. Bicycle race… I couldn’t stop laughing in the car. We would wander off to small roads only to find every possible solution to be blocked for the next 2 hours…
I’m not in a storytelling mode, so I’m not giving you a great insight on how this whole thing felt, but maybe one day in another format, or over a beer. :))
Anyway, at some point I just said it out loud multiple times and I wrote it down as well – if I come across a nice place by the next day, that could host me  for the coming week I forget about my booked flight and I’ll take his offer for staying for one more week and then.. well then we’ll see what happens.
Next day, my life was sorted out for the coming 2 weeks, my host offered to pay the price of the lost flight, and well… here I am, still in Mallorca.

The current idea is that after I wrap up the next work-session with him I’d be flying off to Barcelona for a week, and then from there to London for the illustration fair, and then home, but if I’m completely honest with myself I really have no idea about what’s going on now… I’m completely open to trashing all those plans, let’s see what the world holds for me. I didn’t dare to book any flights yet.

 

So anyway, what I hope I’m learning about lately is being present. Also a lot about honest and open communication. Clear, to-the-bone-honest, but non-judgemental communication. Maneuvering various kinds of conversations in a way that everybody gets to express their feelings, needs and preferences without creating emotional baggage. There is a lot of room for improvement, but just by bringing it to the foreground of my mind and reading about it helped a lot already.
Book recommendation:  Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

Another thing that was going on is Inktober, and people who follow me on social media probably ran into many posts with ink drawings – many plein air sketches. It was challenging at times, but then looking back it feels really great that I had such a productive month in October, finishing many drawings even if they were not huge, very creative pieces, but they are up to a level of finish, they are not just a pile of loose sketches. I should really try to build/keep the habit of getting things done day after day, cause apparently I am capable of doing so if I commit to it. There were a few days when I fell off schedule, there were about 2 days when I did not draw with ink and I think about 2 more when I didn’t finish the started pieces on the given day but I did make enough drawings for the days of the month plus I’ve made watercolor sketches as well. Also there was a day when I was really unhappy with my original sketch, so I just started over and made a new one from scratch. This is the album on my Fb page where I gathered the images that were dedicated to it.

Also I don’t think I’ve mentioned it over here, so shameless self-marketing time – I’ve opened a shop on society6 with a few designs, so Art prints, notebooks, T-shirts and such are available over there with a few of my artworks. There is many more I need to work on, and based on my newly found knowledge from the recent tasks I had there is an insane amount of things I’d need to do to be playing this online shop game properly, but for now it’s good. Designs are made available, and I’ve seen that they print well – the rest is marketing magic that I have to create headspace for. That is a quest for later.

FeleriSketches - deer - T-shirt
Head over to my shop to check out other designs (click on the image)

So anyway, I’m still here, still happy, still learning and I keep crossing path with amazing people.
I’m grateful for all the help and support of all the incredible people who are around throughout this trust-fall experiment of mine.

I love the whole world – boom de yada :))

 

 

On:

While posting the previous wall of text I realised that there’s a loose thread I should tie up.

I obviously did not get the training opportunity in Madrid. Which is in a way great, cause otherwise I wouldn’t be where I am now, and I’m fairly happy here as it probably came across from the previous post. 🙂
The world knows better – this way I have a chance to survive the summer (I’d probably melt and die in Spain :D), and I’m meeting best friends and other great people. :))

And since we’re at loose threads… another thing came up now. I applied to a workaway option in Dublin and got a “maybe” as a reply. It is a household of various artists and creative, who occasionally get volunteers to help them with all kinds of projects. Though they are now prooobably not taking people on board, we started a conversation and there might be a chance. Even if not, I might try to meet up with them when I’m in Dublin, cause they sound awesome.

Anyway… so things are happening, the game is on, and I’m looking forward to every day. 🙂

On:

How can it be that I’ve been London for a week but still haven’t seen Anything?

Depending on how you interpret the question the answer could be – because London is HUGE, you can’t see anything in a week, which is kind of true, but in my case the answer is completely different.
I really haven’t seen anything.
At least apart from some parts of the Natural History Museum and the immediate environment of my accomodations.

So… why?

On one hand – overwhelm. I’ve been on the road for almost 3 months now (whaaat? Yeah.. I don’t believe it either) and as you can imagine it is a lot to process, even though it’s slow travel, I take my time, I don’t rush to see everything, do everyting, but still… it is just a lot.
I popped home for a week when it was the convenient next step in terms of reorganising myself and in terms of travel route as well, so that gave me a very brief breathing moment, but it was merely a jumping board… so as it was expected – travelling is tiring.

But more importantly it is because sightseeing is absolutely not in focus.

I’m very certain, that once I get home I will repeatedly take part in conversations when people will sit in front of me with their eyes wide open, telling me that I’m a bloody idiot if I’ve spent x days or weeks in Bologna/ Portugal / Zagreb / London etc and I haven’t seen a list of things mentioned by them. In part, they will be right. I sure am an idiot, but that’s fine. 😉

So how does this makes sense to me?

When I’ve set off on this trip I had a very vague idea about what this is going to be – reading all the articles about how you should have a goal in mind when you plan a long-term trip to make it doable and having many friends and family members asking what my aim is, I felt anxious about the fact that I didn’t really have a plan or set goal. I knew that one of the most important things for me was to meet people. I wanted to deepen relationships with friends I’ve gotten to know, become friend with online acquaintances by actually sitting down over a cup of coffee, meeting new intersting people from various fields, working on things with them, getting to know fellow artist in all kinds of different environments.
Getting connected to a web of great people. Real connections.

This part was fairly easy  – I told my friends that I want to meet them, I shouted out on social media, that I’m travelling in Europe and if they want to catch up, let’s talk about it, plus the way I find accomodation (friends, Couchsurfing and workaway) pretty much takes care of the “meeting random folks’ as well.
On top of that, most often when I walk around anywhere, I go without headphones, I have a smiling eyes, I look at people and I very frequently spin a flower stick to entertain myself further. I must seem like a fairly approachable person, cause no matter if I walk around or  sit down on the ground to take my time with drawing something, people often come up to me to have a brief chat. It’s amazing. I love it.

Attending two big events (the Bologna Children’s Book Fair and the Independent Festival of Creative Communication) also helped a great deal with this issue – I met a lot of people from the art realm. A LOT of people – particularly amazing ones. But oh man, afterwards I felt like a hundred trucks drove over me. I consider myself a fairly social person, but this was welcome to Social Exhaustion zone. 😀

Anyway, back to my original point… so apart from meeting people I was not really sure what other goal do I have.
Am I off to “see the worl” as in sightseeing? Well.. up to a level, but not really.
Am I away to make money? No.
Am I looking for a job or carreer opportunities abroad? Not in particular, though if something comes my way, I’m open to it.
Then what the hell? Well … don’t know.
Let’s see what will happen!

There was a friend who really applaused my travel plans and introduced me to a quote: “The one who dies with the most anecdotes, wins.”  That sounds awesome! Okay, let’s do that! Gathering memories. The best anectodes usually come from very challenging situations. So while I’m definitely not seeking out opportunities to do something ridiculously stupd just for the sake of story, but when something comes up, after the obvious – is it dangerous? is it stupid? do I like the idea? etc. round I very often measure it on that scale. It might be a strech from my comfort zone, but however it turns out – it can go in the anecdote folder, it would be an Experience.

And where that leads me is that basically I’m in it for learning at the moment.

I’m learning about my own limits (e.g. how much social interactions can I handle?) my preferences (I’d rather sit here and draw for another hour than move on and see the x other things), about social interactions, I learn about ways people work at certain organisations, learn about different ways people put their lives together to be happy/successful and many random bits.

So right now, in London, I am offered something that I craved in the week before I came here – having an “art retreat” basically.
I’m staying with a family where my task is to design and paint a mural for them. I live in the extra room they have and sometimes they share their meal with me as well.
The place is calm and nice, they are kind people, they have a lovely garden, I got a whole room for myself and I’m given a creative challenge. It is perfect.

To take it even higher, my host is a coach which is a something I recently became very interested in.
So instead of running around in London, seeing all the places and going to all the events, I find myself building a daily routine of reading a book on coaching, working on a mural design (while listening to another book about talent being a myth), catching up with people online and strenghtening friendships there, enjoying the lovely weather (yup, I’m in England and not a drop of rain fell since I’m here), cooking, scribbling, making notes and getting my head straight. It is absolutely amazing. could spend weeks like this.

I realised that I need quiet time, and I am given the chance so I take it.
I realised that coaching is something that interests me – and I landed at someone’s place, who is a coach. I’ll take that too!
He gave me a book to begin with, I’m going to read through it while I’m here, and bug him with questions if I have any, and then ask for another book and tips… 🙂

So now the plan is that when I move on to the next location, the next crazy time or island of calmness I will make the most out of That specific experience, whatever that time, place and people have to offer.
I’m not a tourist wanting to go through the sights, I’m not an adventurer, trying to get myself into all the crazy situations or seek out challenges everywhere, but I am on a journey and that feels pretty amazing.

Thank you all who contribute to this!

On:

Yesterday I had a goodbye party.

It was a short notice, cause I was swamped by all the things to do and not knowing exactly how I wanted it anyway I just kept putting it off, but it turned out great.

I told a couple of people in person in the beginning of the week that I might pull something together on Saturday, in hope that there was a chance for them to show up plus so that I’m held accountable for actually making it happen. I could have sneakily left without saying goodbye to many of them and I’m sure I would have regretted it…
So on Thursday I finally kicked myself in the butt, reserved a table to Saturday at a pub from the late afternoon, made an open call facebook event with a description of where-when and an FAQ about what the heck it’s all about, where do I go, whats the plan and schedule like.
Many of my friends found it hilarious and typical of me that I wrote an FAQ about my travels, but well… I wanted to spend my time with Them, hopefully hearing about things that go on in their lives as well, so for not spending the night telling the same story of where-why-when over and over again it seemed like a good idea. Especially since the idea was to meet anyone and everyone who is willing to show up, even if we haven’t talked in years, so letting them know whats going on made sense for me. As ridiculous as it may be, it worked. :)))

About 17 people came throughout the night from people I haven’t seen in ages to folks who I befriended not so long ago. Some were planning to go abroad soon themselves as well – all in different ways for different reasons, so we were also aiming to set dates for meeting up in different corners of the continent.

It was a great night, I loved it.

I was surrounded with people I love, we talked, we laughed, we drank, but not to the point of getting drunk (not me at least – I was there to make memories not to loose them), we ate, and talked some more.
I managed to have a one-on-one conversation with almost everyone.
I hugged them all multiple times.

Damn I’m gonna miss these people… and so many others as well…

Getting up in the morning I was wearing a silly grin for hours, just thinking through last night – love overflow.
My mind went off on a ride about all the things I’ve learnt from these people, things I’m grateful for, memories together, why I love them and all the small fragments of life that I treasure.
This is beginning to sound very cheesy, but oh well…

Anyway, so today for the most part of the day I felt all warm and fuzzy and just wanted to hug everyone.

Then I think my mind got exhaused with happiness or something, ’cause after that the lingering panic started to creep in the picture – I’M LEAVING IN 3 DAYS!
That paired up with the I-love-everyone flash and made a gorgeous mix of “what the hell am I doing, I’m gonna miss them so much”. Yes, feel free to laugh at my misery, I’m being entertained as well.

I know that I’ll be really busy being impressed by the world, meeting friends who I’m only keeping contact with online nowadays and just being in ADHD(squirrel!)  mode running around in generall, but still. Now it hit me that I will be missing out on being here for some people that I deeply care about. *sigh*

Hey Self,
Emotion roller-coaster much? 

feel_all_the_feels
Yup, it’s happening, memes are now part of my blog.
It was gonna be an honest corner of mine, so I guess it was inevitable, You probably all knew it was gonna happen.  ¯\_(ツ )_/¯

That’s it about me for today.
But hey, I actually wrote the blogpost instead of just ‘writing it in my head’ as I did with many before.
Achievement unlocked! 🙂